It's okay South Africa is diet-coke free. My heart now belongs to the badass campus monkeys that go around mugging girls LA KING style.
Yes. Come lunchtime, the campus is swarming with the little critters that target women in particular for they are most likely to give up their food… and run screaming. If it looks like food, smells like food, or cost at least $1,000 they’ll snatch it. Monkeys have been caught smashing cell phones and labtops on the concrete once they realize it’s not edible. They also like to breaking into homes. Believe me. You’d rather be robbed.
This past Sunday, I visited Addo- a game reserve that had everything from elephants to rhinos. Funny thing about animals. The minute you go to take their picture, they like to turn around and urinate. No matter WHAT they’re doing, the minute you drive up- up go the tails. Our park ranger had a unique sense of humor and chased an ostrich right into a rhino couple.
That made my life.
I’m serious. An ostrich really is not much more than a big stupid chicken and to see this big stupid chicken run like that- indescribable.
Am I going to attempt to describe it anyhow? Yes.
Picture a big circular pillow with an exaggerated stem holding a football with goofy-looking eyes galloping one leg at a time moving from side to side. It. Was. Awesome. You could really make a show PURELY on chasing these guys into things. Any things. Rhinos, glass windows, Paris Hilton. I’d watch that show. If Kate Goslin gets a show than my ostriches should get a show.
Upon night fall came the lions. That’s right, I came within 10 feet of a lion. A BLOODY lion licking the BLOOD off its BLOODY mane. That is NOT the Lion King I remembered. Regardless, they were stunning. The cubs were lounging around as the older lions slept. Unfortunately, cuddling with the 500-pound beast was “frowned upon” so I did not in fact get the snuggle session I THOUGHT I signed up for but it still managed to be the greatest day of my life.
Moving on to more exciting news, I went for a run on the boardwalk like so many others only to be held at gunpoint. Until this point, my scariest moment had been handing in my 11th grade Spanish final, which still might be tied, but with close competition. I was blasting some hard core tunes when a man walked up beside me and grabbed my arm. I looked toward him and noticed he was hunched over with a sweatshirt covering his right arm. My first thought was: He’s hurt and needs help. False.
I took out my headphones and looked toward him and he says: “Give me money. Give me money now or I kill you.”
Katie looks at the 5 foot 6 man and thinks: Right back atcha Frodo.
He then lifts his jacket and points a gun at my stomach and says: “Give me money! Give me money or I shoot you right here, right now!”
You could hear the frustration in his voice but it was not at all in his facial expressions which I could only amount to his fear of alerting on coming runners entranced by the Bieber Fever.
Now, I have been blessed with the highest amount of unnatural luck on the planet. Forget the Wheaties- Lucky Charms is where it’s at! In any case, this was the ONE day I had not taken any money or cards with me- just my camera and case, iPod, and keys.
I tried explaining to him that I had no money but he didn’t believe me. He pointed his gun at my camera case and made me show him the insides. Fortunately none of that interested him. However, I did.
He then lunged toward me and tried to grab hold of arm and said: “Yeah- you come with me, right now.”
Frodo say WHAAAAT.
I jumped back, screamed “NO!” and ran in the other direction as fast as I could. I didn’t bother looking back, if I went down- then at least I got went down fighting. I alerted the first person I saw who simply shrugged it off, called him a loon, and told me to carry on. Many a drink was had that night.
Please do not mistake my sarcasm for apathy. After that I have taken several more measures toward self-safety that I wouldn’t have otherwise. It taught me a valuable lesson: don’t be naïve. And… sometimes short people like to carry guns.