It’s called the Human Race not the Human Stroll and frankly Africa, you’re losing. The tortoise and the hair? Yeah, that was a fairy tale people and if life worked like that then Bambi wouldn’t be on the “Entrée” list at most five star restaurants.
That’s the biggest cultural shock here in South Africa. The concept of timeliness. No matter where I seem to go people walk and drive and work as slow as humanly possible. You will NEVER find a team of construction workers where at least half are actually working. And schedules? Forget about it. Half the time teachers are late for their own classes.
And you know what? I LOVE it. I can not stress to you how nice it is to be able to relax and take my time instead of life in DC where people have places to go, people to meet, and things to do- all the time.
Now “TIA” is a term we international students like to use every time something goes, for lack of a better word, wrong. It basically means- Listen punk, you’re in Africa, DEAL WITH IT. So when the person you’re meeting for coffee show up an hour and a half late, the bank is closed 2 hours and forty minutes early, or your shower violently explodes in your face- you sigh and say “TIA” and everything is okay.
Another thing South Africans enjoy is the car horn. You WILL get honked at 743 times a week for NO reason other than the driver is having a good ol’ time. It’s a weird thing to get used to but, nevertheless, you do. Sometimes. I wave back. Sometimes.
As for classes…
School is school is school. Monday morning you sit down with 23 other hung-over students wishing things like the anatomy of Leonardo deCaprio were part of the curriculum. One difference however is the division of semesters into terms so each year there are 4 terms like several high schools in the states. Studying is crucial because nearly every class depends on the grade of 2 tests- no homework or projects- just written exams.
Now, on a significantly more important note.
Cheerios.
Yes. Cheerios. Not only have they become an undeniable staple to my diet, I plan on leaving every last one of my belongings behind so that I can buy boxes and boxes and boxes of South African cheerios and dump them into my suitcase. They are simply magnificent and made with the real stuff, none of this fake flavoring crap like back in the states. I am eating the little drops of condensed heaven as we speak and plan to serve these at my wedding on silver platters. I spent a good long day considering hiding in South Africa as an illegal immigrant just to live off these things… it’s in the pre-decision stage.
Anyway, I started a 2-week open water scuba diving course with a few friends. Thus far we’ve completed the course and are just waiting on the actual ocean dives. Apparently, Great Whites are known to be spotted around the area we plan to dive in… I’ll get back to you on that one. And if I don’t… assume I found one.
Now this past weekend I went on a frontier trip and lived with two South African farm families. It was possibly the greatest weekend ever. We went hiking up a mountain, swimming under a waterfall, shot rifles, and killed a goat… by accident. However the most memorable aspect of this trip was the Covert Black Opps Tortoise Rescue Mission of 2011 executed by yours truly. Molly… (the other MU student here in South Africa) if you’re reading this… I’m not sorry!
The story goes a little… like… this… Two large trucks filled with 26 students 4-wheeled it up this mountain to have lunch by a lake when suddenly the driver spotted a rather large Franklin-like creature. The poor little guy was just minding his own business when he was hoisted into the vehicle and labeled “Dinner.” It was only fair to name him so we went with “Marius’ Wife” in honor of our landlord’s wife we all so despise. Yes. We were going to eat Marius’ Wife for dinner. It was brilliant.
Finally we make it up the mountain and set up lunch. Everyone is sitting around the lake eating as Katie begins plotting. Now don’t get me wrong I love animals as much as the next girl, but I like eating them too. Rescuing poor little Franklin was not out of the goodness of my heart as much as it was the mere thrill of it. Could such a rescue be done successfully with 26 college students and 4 grown men sitting just meters from the cars? Well I was sure as hell going to find out!
So I casually snuck behind everyone and leisurely made my way down to the truck. And there he was. Just looking at me. It had to be done. So I slowly climbed into the truck and grabbed hold of this enormous reptile ready to release him. I took off and hid him in the brush hoping he would not be found. I blended back into the group hoping no one noticed my absence and they had not. Eventually, lunch was finished and everyone made their way back to the vehicle to find Marius’ Wife was gone.
Sure, a search party was initiated, but did they find him? No. Snotty remarks were made about the vicious immature culprit, words of praise, apathy, and even stolen credit, but it will never be known who truly freed Marius’ Wife.
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